My Bitter Defeat, My Sweet Surrender, His Great Victory

I haven't posted a blog in a few weeks. While I have been busy, I probably could have easily typed something up last week. But if I had done that, delivered to you may have been some harsh words about life's unfairness and some anger towards the people around me. Last week, I met my bitter defeat.

I'm not a defeatist, I'm actually quite a stubborn girl, but somehow last week I let my flesh rule. It was a miserable experience for not only myself, but also the people around me. The ripple effect, as my mother would call it. I was a terrible big sister, tossing mean words at my brother. I was an unpleasant daughter, with emotions going all over the place. And I was the perfect example of how not to act as a Christian. Sure, we all have our off days, and that's exactly why I'm blogging about this, because I now know how to defeat the "defeat".

My sweet surrender came on Friday. I had my ups and downs all week (mostly downs, being that my flesh was ruling and I was an emotional wreck), but Friday I was doing all right. Friday afternoon I took a Francine Rivers' book that I'd been reading out to my backyard near the pond where I planned on reading it. I never opened the book. My "secret place" is definitely the backyard. Without a shadow of a doubt, that is where I run when I need my Saviour. Sitting in my chair, I looked at a fish flopping around in the water. It kept jumping out then diving back in. Like usual, my mind began to wonder. And then I was met with a beautful whisper. I know that sounds very fairytale like, but God is truly that "still, small voice." And when I calm down and stop rushing around with the world, I hear it just like you can. "Beloved." That's all I heard. "Beloved." I had been reading in Songs of Solomon a few days previous and my mom and I have also been reading a book talking about how we are God's beloved. But I never fully grasped that until Friday. I watched birds dance and fish jump and turtles swim and leaves blow and I knew that I had not been mistaken in hearing His voice. My mind shouted, "This is lunacy!!!" But my heart knew that it was time for me to surrender. And oh, what a sweet surrender.

My soul was fully alert at this small whisper. I wanted more. I was so hungry for more. When I walk in the flesh, my carnal desires feast on things of this world. Pride, anger, disrespect, bitterness, saracasm, the list could go on. But when I stepped out of my flesh, surrendered my selfish desires, and decided it was time to let God run the show again, the hunger for the things of Him shouted inside me. Gradually more whispers came, and verses with those. I was overwhelmed to the point of tears, but they were joyful tears. God once again was victorious in winning my heart back to Him.

The revelation I got as I sat there listening, talking, and crying was phenomenal. I'm sure it's one that's going to greatly change my life. I'm wanted, I'm cherished, I'm loved, I'm beautiful. I'm His beloved. There is a great difference between knowing something in your head, and knowing something in your heart. I now know in my heart that I belong to the wonderful Bridegroom.

I could dance, I could sing, I could shout, I could weep, but all I know to do right now is, "Be still and know I am God." Heart fully His again, I feel like a new person from who I was last week. The things He said, the understanding He gave me, the love I feel, it's absolutely wonderful.

So though I was bitterly defeated, I know that through my sweet surrender, I can defeat the "defeat", and God can come out victorious. Again.

Fully His, even when it seems impossible,
Daddy's Girl

2 thoughts from others:

Abigail Annelise said...

just wanted to say that I've loved reading your blog! Lately I've been trying to have a deeper walk with God but when I'm tested I always lose. the other day I was talking to this guy and because I was afraid of what he thought of me I totally blasphamed God and what I really believe. I guess in we all want to be excepted but what is better being excepted by God or man.

-Abby

Jordan Rochelle said...

Yay I'm glad you enjoy reading! I know how it feels to feel like you keep walking into walls when it comes to being closer with God, but the cool thing is we're all a little messed up and God loves us anyways! Man can be so retarded sometimes, even myself, so its exciting seeing that even though we get rejected by regular humans a lot, God always has His arms wide open! And making an effort to be closer with Him is a HUGE step (: God's so cool xD

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